Examiner De-Fanged

And so it went.

Mercifully soon, it was over. We never got to discuss romance, or Zang Toi's spring line. We had been trounced by an obnoxious gay caricature before we'd had a chance to, perhaps, become an obnoxious gay caricature. Our spirits lifted slightly when we saw our chauffeured Town Car waiting outside. (Grandiose delusions sometimes pay off.) We lifted our head high and, like a queen, wished our co-host luck. We then regally fled the scene, mortified behind our tinted windows.

When we heard, a week later, that we weren't gay enough for prime time (or, in Bravo's words, "outrageous" enough), we were neither surprised nor disappointed. These grapes taste just fine. But we are left with a nagging worry about what "gay" means to TV producers – and to America in general. And we're relieved that, for now, we're retaining our amateur-gay status.

We swear we are. (Charles Purdy)

From: Charles

To: feedback@sfweekly.com

Subject: I Prove I am God

Hello – I am the Son of God and reincarnate. The restaurant Bennigans (Been Again) and Sesame Street (See Same) indicate reincarnation. Words like Kennedy (Can I die) will make sense once you read my link fully ... Check this out, when I die, it's a funeral (Funny Are All) and they put me in a coffin (See Often). Read the whole thing and you will see that I am the Master. Forward this to everyone in your address book and you will be blessed. You will learn that all jewelry is actually bondage equipment ... set up by me, the Master ... necklaces, ties, collars on shirts even.

Dear Charles,

Sure sounds like the Bible. So you must be God (Gee, Odd).

D. Bites