Best Alternative to Kinky Sex

Looking for new thrills that don't require Astroglide? Try climbing huge plastic rock outcroppings! It's a lot like kinky sex -- you wear a cute little harness, stretch unknown muscles, and lose the ability to control bestial facial expressions. You can even talk dirty with all kinds of smutty-sounding climbing terms like "dogging," "slopper," and "smear." All these depraved pleasures can be had within the 14,000-square-foot cavern of Mission Cliffs. The 50-foot-high main wall might be a little imposing at first glance, but the immaculately maintained urban rock gym has a wide variety of terrain that will appeal to the less experienced. For those who are a little scared to harness up, the expert staff is always on hand to help or enroll guests in starter classes. When your stamina for dogging gives out, pump some iron in the full weight room and hit the showers. The late hours during the week are perfect for the after-work crowd, and Mission Cliffs hosts an assortment of clinics that are free with membership. But be careful, because, like kinky sex, the thrill can be addictive.