Best Revolutionary Movement

The shocking thing about the same-sex marriage issue isn't that two people of an identical gender would want to be together, but that so many seemingly sensible individuals would choose to indulge in the perverse and unnatural rites of lifelong commitment. For millennia the Judeo-Christian-Muslim junta has foisted dubious notions of morality upon us naturally wayward bipeds, and has systematically demonized and oppressed anyone who would rather not spend the next several decades listening to the same person snore. ("Career woman" and "commitment-phobe" are the slurs du jour.) But there's a nascent yet burgeoning coalition of independent-minded revolutionaries who will someday return the globe to its happier, paganistic origins. Quirkyalones are self-sufficient, happily single romantics -- yes, romantics -- who "inhabit singledom as our natural resting state," according to Sasha Cagen's founding manifesto. The movement's credo is that it's better to follow your own compass, enjoying the company of friends and the occasional, momentous, life-changing encounter, than to be tethered to a convenient, uninspiring, ever-conforming human addendum. In other words, ¡Viva la revolución!