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  • Houston Press

    Hate to Say We Told You So

    A year before Toyota's massive recall, we published a lengthy investigation of problems with the Prius.

    By Paul Knight

  • Miami New Times

    Sex, Drugs, Gambling--and Football

    Heading to Miami for the Super Bowl? Don't leave the hotel without our guide to vice in the Magic City.

    By Michael J. Mooney and Gus Garcia-Roberts

  • City Pages

    Life in the Blue Zone

    Daredevil Dan Buettner's latest trick? Bringing the secrets of immortality to Minnesota.

    By Erin Carlyle

  • Phoenix New Times

    The Greatest Dane

    Bigger than Shaq and proud of it, the world's tallest dog may be living in Tucson.

    By James King

A Transylvanian in Silicon Valley

Dodging bullets, delivering truckloads of blood -- just another day in Romania

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By Jonathan Kiefer

Published on May 19, 2004

Although capped off with a coda of motivational speech, Silvian Centiu's monologue -- about his clamber from Eastern Bloc anguish to upper-level management at Oracle -- doesn't carry a moralizing tone. Centiu has had humility beaten into him, but he hasn't been beaten, and that's a story worth telling. He's a natural raconteur, and his best material is in the humbling episodes: dodging bullets on the Romanian border; driving a truckload of blood into Transylvania and not getting the joke; finding out the hard way that the common verbs of his native tongue sound like obscenities in English. To learn our language, he sought tireless talkers and found a great triptych of American culture: trade show, car dealership, courtroom. Whether wading into the undertow of communism or capitalism, Centiu stays buoyant via a highly refined black humor. A Transylvanian is perfectly publishable as it stands, but on the page it would lack the music of his accent and his shrugging, conversational cadence -- a refreshing rebuke to the writerly affect all too common in bare-stage monologues. Centiu really talks to us, even if he does make us feel guilty about our easy lives.