You Are the Quarry

Morrissey and I have a lot in common: He was born in England, the land of cloudy skies and modern rock; I was born in Libertyville, Ill., the land of car dealerships and factory outlet stores. He's sort of gay; I'm the world's first male lesbian. He just came out with You Are the Quarry; I just came out with this kick-ass review of You Are the Quarry. We're like brothers. And we're both totally awesome and shit. This record is totally awesome and shit, too. It's got some classic lyrics. On the song "How Can Anybody Possibly Know How I Feel," the chorus goes, "I've had my face dragged in 15 miles of shit." That's high-quality writing. Not as top-notch as the lyrics on The Queen Is Dead or Viva Hate, but still good. The whole album is like that -- awesome, but not the best thing he's ever done. Hmmmm. That's one thing we don't have in common, I guess, because this review is the best thing that has ever been done on earth.

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