When you're getting ready to launch a freestyle motocross tour featuring ludicrously dangerous stunts, you need to think about the tour's name. You don't want a tennis-style moniker like the "Buckingham Palace Swells Open" or a fruity skating name like "Prancing on Ice." Nah, to really communicate the hard-core motorized mayhem, you'll need a name like, say, the "Crusty Demons Global Assault Tour."
The Assault Tour, specifically, is a cranked-up spectacle starring the Crusty Demons of Dirt team, legendary on the motocross circuit for its seeming disregard of safety, practicality, and probably human decency, too. These badass bikers perform back flips and jumps and engage in "bike-to-bike combat," with all the choreographed tricks set to painfully loud music and illuminated by a light and pyrotechnics show. Leave the sissies at home when you head to Oakland's Network Associates Coliseum, 7000 Coliseum (at I-880 & 66th Avenue), at 7:30 p.m. Admission is $20-47.50; call (510) 569-2121 or visit www.crusty.com.
-- Joyce Slaton
Do Bug Me
Insects in the City
One of the great unsung pleasures of life, on a par with sticking olives on all 10 fingers, is upending old logs to see what kinds of bugs are underneath. For those who think such an action is a bit too Huck Finn for their urbane selves, we'll bet you an apple you can't name the last time you saw a centipede up close. Entomologist/naturalist/beekeeper Patrick Schlemmer can help you appreciate the creepy-crawlies as he leads the free "Amazing World of Insects Discovery Tour" at 11 a.m. at the Glen Canyon Park Rec Center, O'Shaughnessy & Bosworth, S.F. Visit www.sfneighborhoodparks.org.
-- Hiya Swanhuyser
Triangle Taekwon Do's "EZ-Defense With Pride" workshop offers a great chance to learn self-defense in a queer-friendly atmosphere. This scenario makes us dream of action movies: It's high time for the "butt-kicking babe" genre to get its own Priscilla, Queen of the Desert treatment. We propose Charlize's Angels: Full Tipple, in which you and two of your favorite dragsters ride around in fancy cars and cause rednecks pain, with a kick-pants here and a break-arm there. You're nominally managed by a Fairy Butch type, but the voice from the speaker sounds like Michelle Tea's. Just think of the vodka-swilling karaoke finale! In order to make this dream a reality, you must enroll in the class, which starts at 7 p.m. at the Center, 1800 Market (at Octavia), S.F. Admission is $20; call 495-1888 or visit www.triangletkd.org.
-- Hiya Swanhuyser