Friend's Best Man

Quiet. The Infiltrator is getting something. Yes, he can see it clearly now: Pet ... psychics ... are ... hilarious ... frauds.

I:I'm really into marching-band music.

PP7: He says that's fine. Just as long as it's not hard rock. [Pause.]He just showed me a piece of celery.


Pet Psychic No. 8

I believe that my dog was President John F. Kennedy in a past life. Is this true?

Pet Psychic 8:There's a real controversy when animals talk about whether they were a person before. And, I have to tell you, they do that a lot. They say they were nuns, or priests, or warriors. They are not necessarily lying.

Infiltrator:[Getting annoyed.] So was my dog JFK or not?

PP8:[Pause.]Harmon wasn't exactly reincarnated into the president. But their energies really aligned and merged as one.

I: So maybe Harmon was JFK's pet?

PP8: Uh-huh ... literally, when the energy merges with that person, the animal and person are going to go through the same experiences.

I: I see.

PP8: Your Harmon can tell me what happened from that president's point of view. He may not be that actual person, but he can still tell me what happened. He might have really experienced it through the president.

I: OK. So my dog had an affair with Marilyn Monroe?

PP8: [Pause.]Yes. His soul was very much aligned with this particular president.

I: And the Bay of Pigs incident -- what was up with that?

PP8: [Pause.]Literally, when the energy merges with that person, the animal and the person are going to go through the same experience.

Pet Psychic Conclusions

Well, fuck me sideways!

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