A Winner

Sweaty, smutty, arty goodness

ONGOING 12/22-1/8

It's hardly a news flash that sports and sex share an intimate kinship. Both enjoy a slow buildup of anticipation and excitement; intensely sensual sights, sounds, and smells; and action that culminates in one big ecstatic payoff. No wonder coaches once forbade athletes to engage in pre-game nooky in order to save all that energy for the playing field. But it should be safe to take a gander at "Score! -- New Art for Winners," an exhibition by San Francisco artist and fan René Garcia Jr., best known for his glittery paintings of celebrities and icons such as Superman. Layered with sparkly stuff and filled with posterlike renderings of sports figures, dune buggies, motorbikes, and hot naked chicks, Garcia's works explore the link between athletics and erotica.

"I make a connection between the climactic moment in sports, like a motocross jump, and the climactic moment of sex," says Garcia. Take, for example, Untitled, a collage fusion of a motocross rider, a pair of lusty ladies, and a prowling tiger that's simultaneously menacing and thrilling -- just like sex itself. "Score!" continues through Jan. 8 at the Lo-Fi Customs Gallery, 69A Duboce (at Valencia), S.F. Admission is free; call 861-0500 or visit www.loficustoms.com.
-- Joyce Slaton

Mooning Over Christmas
Spy on the holiday

SAT 12/25

Here's the James Bond way to celebrate the holiday season: "Full Moon Kayaking." Just wiggle into a skintight wet suit, throw a flirtatious look at your well-endowed partner-in-boating, and slither out onto the rippling main at sunset, following the expert advice of a trusty guide. Stealthily make your way past the breathtaking reflections of downtown S.F. on the water, and don't lose your blasé attitude under the Bay Bridge. Once out on the glossy black bay, it's up to you whether to deliver the microfiche or not. Either way, the photo you take with your hidden camera will make a good Christmas card for next year, especially with that full moon in the background. The paddle requires prior kayaking experience but is otherwise open to superspy and schlub alike starting at 3 p.m. at City Kayak, Pier 38, Embarcadero & Townsend, S.F. Participation is $50; call 357-1010 or visit www.citykayak.com.
-- Hiya Swanhuyser

Die Hard, Fans
Taking one for the team

SUN 12/26

For die-hard fans looking to cheer on the 49ers at home, this weekend's game against the Buffalo Bills is the last chance. Arguably the worst team in football, having lost even to Miami (the other worst team in football), the last-place Niners won't make the post-season this year. The surging Bills, clinging to hopes of a wild-card playoff berth, won't help the red-and-gold claw its way out of the basement, either, but at least the team should give local fans a chance to see how the game is supposed to be played. Kickoff is at 1:05 p.m. at Monster Park, 490 Jamestown (at Hunters Point Expressway), S.F. Tickets are $64; call 656-4900 or visit www.sf49ers.com.
-- Jack Karp

Future Ex Mass?

SAT 12/25

The people behind S.F.'s Dolphin South End Runners are wacky, but this event is nuts even for them: The "Xmas Blind Date Relays" pairs one man and one woman by random drawings as the race begins. Build instant lust (or disappointment) at 9 a.m. at Golden Gate Park's Stow Lake Boathouse, John F. Kennedy & Transverse, S.F. Registration is $5; call 978-0837 or visit www.dserunners.com.
-- Hiya Swanhuyser

 
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