Resolutions of the Rich and Famous

Or, at least, people we like

Often it seems that New Year's resolutions, made with lit cigarette in hand, are tossed into the trash the weekend after the big day. A shred of willpower may remain in rare individuals, and for them, we offer the inspiration of these resolutions, big and small, from a cross-section of lively San Franciscans.

"My number one New Year's resolution is to learn how to be able to love more and deeper, to be fierce in love. Because to quote a song, 'What the world needs now is love, sweet love.' Thus I've begun a seven-year commitment to explore 'love as art,' with my collaborator/girlfriend Elizabeth Stephens. We will document our progress on www.loveartlab.org. This year I also want to learn how to manage money better and create more security."

-- Dr. Annie Sprinkle

"Use 'snarky' more often (courtesy of David Letterman). Avoid confusing Lipitor and Levitra. Learn to ride a bike in Golden Gate Park."

-- Craig Newmark, founder of Craigslist

"To put an end to all war, to feed the hungry, to clothe the poor. To tend the sick, to comfort the miserable, to make low the powerful, to raise up the meek. And if all that fails, to find one damn huge, dry martini with two olives -- and go swimming!"

-- Sister Constance Craving, Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence

"Find those in need and bring them some weed. Help those in pain and shelter them from the rain. Comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable. Party hearty so as not to waste a face. Carry more straws to preserve the glitter lips. Open more eyes with a single smile than a flying bird. Shave Bush then wax cronies."

-- Sister Flora Goodthyme, Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence

"I have been fortunate to have the opportunity to travel around the world and learn about so many different cultures. I have found that food is a common bond in bringing people together, no matter what their nationality or background may be. My resolution is to continue to educate and share my knowledge and experiences of the various cuisines and cultures through my presentations and classes."

-- Martin Yan, host of Yan Can Cook

"I resolve to perfect my impression of Bugs Bunny, Arturo Toscanini, Niccolo Machiavelli, and Iggy Pop. I resolve to not exercise, to stop losing weight, and to eat as many carbohydrates as I damn well please."

-- John Gluck, conductor of Punk Rock Orchestra

"In an increasingly corporate world, let's live and breathe the commons. How far can we go in living the open source ideal?"

-- Brewster Kahle, founder of Internet Archive

"My New Year's resolution is to start a dance revolution!"

-- Jillian Iva, Von Iva

"To drink less tequila while I'm playing, so I don't end up leaving my last record at the club."

-- DJ Mark Farina

"Adventure! That is my resolution, in whatever form it presents itself."

-- Steffanos Xanthoudakis, Tom Jonesing

"I will give up cynicism in 2005 and be a more authentic person. And sarcasm. Thank you. Thank you very much. I'll be here all month. Try the veal ..."

-- Chicken John

1. I resolve to not get 5150ed twice before February 2005. (5150 is police code for "hazard to oneself or others.")

2. I resolve to quit having those impure thoughts about Gavin Newsom's hair gel.

3. I will buy a bigger piano to make my butt look smaller.

4. I resolve to put an Amber Alert out on my inner child.

5. I resolve to attend 12-step meetings to curb my constant cravings for cheese spreads and salty meats.

6. I resolve to quit making those party-favorite smoothies from sour cream and onion soup mix.

7. I will put on a wonderful cabaret where all proceeds go to fight breast cancer.

8. I pledge to learn where middle C is on the piano.

-- Tamara Palmer

 
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