Weekly Obsessions

Things we were obsessing about on Feb. 23, 2005

The sad thing is, we don't like watching the Academy Awards because of the overpriced designer outfits, the supposed kitsch factor, and the many disappointing Oscar parties where gay men hurl well-crafted bons mots at the TV screen. No, we like to watch the Oscars all by our lonesome self so we can pretend that we, too, are sitting at the Kodak Theatre, bored with just the right amount of insouciance, as we wait for our name to be called out. B.K.

There is a certain genius to the Tuesday night programming of KALW-FM. We've always enjoyed the lowbrow clown show of the SFUSD board meetings, but when we dialed up 91.7 the other week, we found a new delight in Leonard Bernstein: An American Life. The conductor and composer's remarkable biography (hosted by the honeyed voice of Susan Sarandon, grrrrr) is presented to appeal to construction workers and concert pianists alike, and is so engrossing that we actually sat in a parked car to listen to the end of the segment. The (get this) 10-part series is presented in two-hour blocks(!), airs on the first and third Tuesdays of the month at 9 p.m., and concludes in mid-March. N.C.

Corporate consolidation is the natural, and therefore logical, end product of the American Way. It provides us with valuable commodities from China and India and steamrolls worthless mom-and-pop suckfish businesses off the map. America is about evolution, citizens! It's about efficiency! That's why we love Comcast most of all. When we lived in New York, we ordered Comcast cable. It only took two months and eight visits from a technician to install it. Isn't that awesome?! (In Mexico, it took two weeks to get cable, but we had to bribe people. Comcast doesn't take bribes. It's honest.) When we moved to San Francisco, Comcast was the only cable company to service our building. All we had to do to get cable was make some phone calls to nice people who knew exactly what we needed. They gave us other numbers to call, which we've listed below, in the order they were given to us to call. Now you, too, can get Comcast and support consolidation in America. It's easy and fun!

(800) 266-2278. East Coast.

(866) 632-7893. Not for local customers.

(800) 824-2000. Super-cool people.

(888) 255-5789. Southern California office.

(800) 800-CABLE. Disconnected.

(800) 833-8080. Number for DIRECTV. Hmmm.

(800) 945-2288. Bay Area Comcast. Yay! L.O'B.

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