A noble attempt to view 1,000 naked people in a single day

The walls are sticky. I avoid accidentally bumping into anyone wearing a towel. A guy wearing chain mail has an open wank. I must stay far beyond shooting distance from this cowboy. Two naked women are tied together on a post and are being caned, while the largest woman I've ever seen, in the midst of grand role-playing, gets whipped. These sex club-goers are dealing with issues.

Hordes of vultures descend, watching a fat woman suck a man's meat sausage with the content look of a retard. She's still at it 20 minutes later.

As if they're attending Mad Max's Thunderdome, primitive men in loincloths cheer on the action of a girl in a Bo-Peep outfit spanking the bare bottom of another woman while being fanned with a peacock feather. Some reach under their towels, taking the action into their own hands. Eeeeew! The crowd disperses when someone in a towel gets sick on the floor.

After we pass a large topless female bouncer, a man in glasses wearing an ill-fitting wig and granny dress approaches my girlfriend.

"Do you want to play pool?" he asks. Sure; don't most people come to sex clubs for the fine pool-playing opportunities? When she says no, the man in the granny dress sputters, "Well how about oral sex?" He thrusts out his tongue, adding, "I have the mouth of a lesbian!"

Like Robert De Niro in Raging Bull, I give the man in the granny dress a look that says, "Are you trying to fuck my wife?!"

The last image I'm left with at Power Exchange is a man sitting by himself, watching a porno, spanking the monkey. Ewwww.

Live Nude Tally: four naked women, six naked men. Except I'm not only turned off by nudity; I'm turned off by the whole human race.


Well, I failed to see 1,000 naked people. Instead, I saw just 37. Other than those possessed by leggy supermodels, I realized the human body is disgusting. We should all be ashamed!

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