A Star Isn't Born. Still.

Dog Bites takes a second shot at Beach Blanket Babylon and paid health insurance

So we called in sick to our Saturday day job from hell last week, spent gas and bridge-toll money, and trekked back down to Beach Blanket Babylon Boulevard to continue our musical quest to find health insurance -- again. The publicist had e-mailed us that the BBB folks had loved our first story ("Beach Blanket BabylonAuditions: The Sequel," Dog Bites, Sept. 29, 2004) and had invited us to audition again. So we thought, "What the hell?"

There were half as many auditioners (scared off by Dog Bites' last foray into BBB-land, no doubt), which meant we might actually get to channel Janis Joplin as originally intended and redeem ourself. Since we kind of sucked last time, being forced to sing a chorus of "It's My Party."

Our favorite diva from last time, Emily Baloney, was now in the cast, her even more over-the-top, feather boa-wearing new glamour shot on the wall with the rest of 'em. The auditions were conducted exactlythe same way from start to finish, déjà vu all over again, to the max. Dog Bites was No. 20 this time. We followed a midget woman -- er, we mean short person -- who sang "Mamma Mia."

"Roll the track, please," we commanded confidently when it was our turn and proceeded to deliver a scorching rendition of "Piece of My Heart," gettin' down, rockin' out, all over the stage. Janis and Melissa Etheridge would have been proud. Director Kenny Mazlow and everyone at the audition table seemed to thoroughly enjoy our performance.

We still didn't get a callback.

We watched the poor slobs who followed us early songbirds, who had to sing "It's My Party" or "Amazing Grace" -- and then we had had enough already. It was time to go.

The publicist came over and said we had a great voice, could he have copies of our earlier story, we could come see the show anytime, on them. People asked us if we were in a band, it was obvious by the way we held the mike, etc. Mazlow told us we had a great voice and again gushed about how much he loves the audition process.

We told the callback people to kick ass, informed one girl she was the next Emily Baloney, and got the hell out of there. We came, we sang, we saw, we spent money, we sat in Washington Square Park, and we contemplated our doggie-dog life. We did not conquer.

On Monday, though, things looked a bit better: We were called into work on our day off and were able to make up the wages lost to audition; and on a walk the other day, we found a $20 bill, which covered the bridge toll and parking. Dog Bites felt vindicated. What we did, we'd done for love, and fate had taken care of the financing.

Now, about the health insurance .... (Kimberlye Gold)

 
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