Department of What the Fuck?

Renting separate tour vans so you don't have to talk to the old bandmates you detest: $27,764

Kevin Scanlon

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Dinosaur Jr. performs on Thursday, Aug. 18, at the Fillmore; call 346-6000 or visit www.the fillmore.com for more info.

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Printing up T-shirts, hoodies, stickers, buttons, mugs, key chains, barf bags, and other merch you hope to sell (at a 900 percent markup) to nostalgic indie rockers: $31,980

Buying back all that gear you pawned to finance your poorly received solo albums: $18,985

Securing a phalanx of accountants and lawyers to make absolutely sure you get your proper share of the payday from this lucrative altrock-reunion business: $120,000

Finally getting the tour off the ground by persuading J. Mascis' grandfather to sub on guitar and vocals: priceless