Driving home, Max FM was playing "Working for the Weekend," the only Loverboy song those DJs ever play, even though the band has, like, at least five hits. It was at that point that I realized I could do something in-between: get a fake Christmas tree. I could take it out every year and adorn it, then gently de-decorate it in January, wrap it up snugly in a blankie, and put it in my closet until next year. I think that it would still feel cared for that way, and I wouldn't be participating in the holocaust anymore.

The DJ mixed Loverboy into Alanis Morissette, and I shuddered.

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