A Star Is Born
Strange things happen when actors sing
In the wake of Jamie Foxx's Billboard-chart-topping Unpredictable and Sex and the City hunk John Corbett's solo album, it's easy to forget where the actor-turned-singer phenomenon truly began: Jack freakin' Wagner! Here, we pit him against the poseurs.
Choice acting gig: Melrose Place (Dr. Peter Burns)
Music: Solo artist, four albums
eBay value:Lighting Up the Night (import CD), $110
Wagnerism: Originally tied to his General Hospital band, Riff Raff, Wagner broke free with that consummate '80s hit single "All I Need."
Choice acting gig: Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (Harry Lockhart)
Music: Solo artist, one album
eBay value:The Futurist (CD), $5
Wagnerism: Between his liberal replacement of s's with z's ("Little Clownz") and his Phil Collins-ish emoting, we gotta wonder if dude's been speedballin' again.
Choice acting gig: My So-Called Life (Jordan Catalano)
Music: Vocals and guitar, 30 Seconds to Mars, two albums
eBay value:A Beautiful Lie (CD), $11.26
Wagnerism: Maybe if Jordan Catalano had fronted this cookie-cutter distortion band at Liberty High, Angela would have fallen for Brian Krakow instead.
Choice acting gig: Party of Five (Sarah Reeves)
Music: Solo artist, four albums
eBay value: Barenaked (CD), $5.72
Wagnerism: Why bother ripping on her nasal voice when there are lyrics like this: "There were lasers and computers and living in space/ The '90s kids' dream is for the whole human race/ My dream for the '90s/ We'll make it come true/ This world will be a better place/ For me and you."
Choice acting gig: Bad Santa (Willie)
Music: Solo artist, three albums
eBay value: Hobo (CD), $7.54
Wagnerism: Sounds just like Tom Waits -- although we're not sure that's a compliment when you're notTom Waits.
John Corbett
Choice acting gig: Sex and the City (Aidan Shaw)
Music: Solo country artist, two albums
eBay value:"Ain't No Trouble to Me" (MP3), 99 cents
Wagnerism: For the first time ever, we're OK with Carrie dumping this Toby Keith disciple.
Choice acting gig: Full House (Gia Mahan)
Music: Solo artist, MySpace (www.myspace.com/marlasokoloff)
eBay value:N/A
Wagnerism: We've believed in this girl's musical talents since she and Stephanie formed the band Girl Talk and played Ace of Base at the talent show.
Choice acting gig: Star Trek (Capt. Kirk)
Music: Solo artist, two albums
eBay value:Has Been (CD), $12.34
Wagnerism: None! Shatner is the shit-ner!
Choice acting gig: Natural Born Killers (Mallory Knox)
Music: Singer, Juliette & the Licks, two albums
eBay value:You're Speaking My Language (CD), $3.54
Wagnerism: She tries so desperately to be hard-core like Joan Jett or Karen O. But it's, like, hey, remember when she guest-starred on The Wonder Years?
Choice acting gig: Coming to America (Prince Akeem)
Music: Solo artist, three albums
eBay value:How Could It Be (CD), $36.01
Wagnerism: My. Girl. Wants. To. Party all the time! Party all the ti-i-ime!
Choice acting gig: Good Will Hunting (Skylar)
Music: Solo artist, one album
eBay value:Everything I've Got in My Pocket (CD), $11
Wagnerism: Once, our brother thought he was going to see a band called Minnie Driver, but then it was actually Minnie Driver. He was refused a refund.
Choice acting gig: Dirty Dancing (Johnny Castle)
Music: Solo artist, three songs
eBay value:"She's Like the Wind" (7-inch), $1.76
Wagnerism: With a single like this, no wonder his murderer in Ghost took him for a cream puff.
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