He responded that he was a psychiatrist, to which Michelle let out a rollicking, "Oh, man, have you come to the right table!" He laughed heartily, and dangit if this wasn't a cool guy.

I looked around the room again. I tried to picture the girl in the push-up bra inserting a speculum inside me, or the guy in the chinos checking for colon polyps. I pictured all of them studying hard for their MCATs and getting the amazing news that they had been admitted to one of the best med schools in the country. "Awesome!!" must've been their collective response. "Ohmygod, no way!"

"Nah," said Michelle after much speculation. "These people are still dumbasses."

"Yeah," I concurred. "Other than the fact that they're smarter than us, better looking, and will make way more money than us, they ain't nothing but a bunch of suckas."

Next week we made a vow to return to the fold of pseudo-hipster losers that we know so well. Which reminds me, gentle reader: Which charity do you think we should pick for our guest bartending night?

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