The trend has become so prevalent that Sucka Free City sought me out for a new advice column for and about hipsters, and this is that. So readers: Please send your hipster-related questions to Ephraim@sfweekly.com respondents who submit the three best questions for my next column will receive a special prize. Here are some sample queries to get us started:
Q: Dear Ephraim, who's cooler: New York hipsters or San Francisco hipsters? Sincerely, 30goingon13
A: Dear 30, The answer to this age-old debate is: Neither. Hipsters, by definition, are not "cool." Cool is for MTV and your stockbroker brother's sunglasses. Self-respecting hipsters on both coasts share a healthy disdain for anything cool, and therefore opt out of such a contest. If you were to ask which group was less cool, then we'd have something to mull over.
Q: Dear Ephraim, Track bikes look uncomfortable and dangerous. Are they? Regardless of your answer, I'm probably going to buy one. Yours, SufYanCanCook
A: Dear SufYan, See now, track bikes were designed with the velodrome in mind, wherein the terrain is ergonomically suited to fixed-gear bikes, and abrupt braking (due to the close proximity of the racers) is highly dangerous. Furthermore, we were built for musclebound riders who can go from zero to 40 m.p.h. in less than 200 meters. Coke-snorting fans of Bloc Party were not what the folks at Bianchi had in mind. As bike aficionado and SF Weekly columnist Matt Smith says, "I've got a track bike and I'd never ride it on the street." So yeah, knock yourself out.
Remember: Send all hipster-related questions to Ephraim@sfweekly.com!