Net Gains

Fact: It's now uncool to spazz about a band just because it got big overnight thanks to the Power of the Internet (MP3 blogs, MySpace, etc.). Also fact: It's even uncool to point out that it's uncool. Late-breaking fact: As I wrote that, it just became cool again to spazz about a band's getting big overnight thanks to the Power of the Internet. Ah fuck: Pitchfork is now telling me it's no longer cool to cash in on the Celebrating Internet Bands revival movement. So I guess that means ... Wait! VH1 just announced that next week is I Love the Mid-'00s Days of the Indie Internet Sensations. We're saved! Hurry — read this list before it becomes uncool!

Oh no! Oh my! So happy! So sad!

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• S.F. Gordon Gano
• David Byrne
• Austin (Texas)
• Belle and Sebastian
• Music Festivals

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Oh No! Oh My!

From: Austin, Texas. Status: Waxing gibbous. Origin Story: Sent self-recorded demo to one solitary music blog, Music for Robots, which posted song "Jane Is Fat"; sold CD-R LP for $1.50 on Web site. Result: Just played Lollapalooza; headlining the Independent this week (Tues., 8/22, 8 p.m., $10-$12) in S.F. Gordon Gano or David Byrne? Gordon Gano, plus Belle & Sebastian.

Birdmonster

From: San Francisco, Calif. Status: Waxing gibbous. Origin Story: Self-recorded "Resurrection Song" championed by blogs Gorilla Vs. Bear, Music for Robots. Result: Hotshot producer helms debut, which band puts out independently; incessant U.S. touring. Gordon Gano or David Byrne? Actually, more like Springsteen covering the Pixies.

Tapes 'n' Tapes

From: Minneapolis, Minn. Status: Full moon. Origin Story: Records debut in barn; again with the Music for Robots. Result: Pitchfork crowns Best New Music; band plays Letterman, everywhere else. Gordon Gano or David Byrne? Gordon Gano, but forgivably so.

Clap Your Hands, Say Yeah

From: Brooklyn, N.Y. Status: Waning gibbous. Origin Story: Band's stupid name draws the attention of Said the Gramophone blogger. Result: P-Fork proclaims Best New Music; CYHSY becomes synonymous with backlash toward Internet bands. Gordon Gano or David Byrne? Little of both, but David Byrne impression is at times insufferable.