The Man Who Would Be Feinstein

So you've never heard of Christopher Dahl. He'd still like to be your U.S. Senator.

Comments (0) By Martin Kuz Wednesday, Sep 20 2006

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"I'm sick of watching all this shit happen when I can see how to fix it," he says. His hands flutter like hummingbirds as he discusses his platform, and his erudite references, from Joshua's conquest of Jericho to the Taoist musings of Lao Tzu, reveal a hungry mind. "I want to change the debate."

Dahl's worldview defies simple labeling, hovering somewhere between Libertarian and technocratic, and leavened by a wry wit. He favors pruning the government, reasoning that "the way you motivate bureaucrats is to get rid of some of them." He advocates greater reliance on desalinated sea water and alternative energy sources, along with loosening pot laws and raising the legal drinking age to 25. "Alcohol kills brain cells, and society needs people with as many brain cells as possible."

James Sanders

The prospect of losing the roof over his head roused Dahl's activist within.

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Meanwhile, he regards an increase in aerial drone surveillance as the best solution to curbing global terrorism, illegal immigration, and street crime. He further suggests implanting microchips in mid- and high-level federal employees to reduce the chances of another Katrina-style debacle.

"That sounds Orwellian, but we live in an Orwellian era," he says. "You should be able to watch the government at least as closely as the government watches you. I want to be able to find [Michael] Chertoff" — director of homeland security — "any moment of the day."

Dahl's desire to address national affairs in general and grill Donald Rumsfeld in particular about Iraq explains why, instead of pursuing a city or state seat, he wants Feinstein's job. (Her criticism of the push for gay marriage in 2004 as "too much, too fast, too soon" also rankled Dahl, who's gay.) To those who doubt his fitness for federal office, he politely replies, "I got a bootstrap in one hand and a shoelace in the other. If I run on my own and get elected, that's all the qualification I need."

He concedes that defeating a monied incumbent poses a Herculean task — the two cats he inherited from a tenant who died last year make up his entire campaign staff. Yet pulling off an electoral miracle would give an instant boost to his third-party dreams. Before registering his group with the state, Dahl must collect the signatures of 80,000 California residents, an effort he promotes through his Web site. So far, the Balance Party's membership remains at one, and the next donation received will be its first.

Life as a senator would carry new burdens, of course. Dahl dreads speaking to large groups, and he dislikes the prospect of traveling to every corner of the state. "I'm sure Fresno is a real nice city," he says. "It's just way too hot." At the same time, if suffering such adversity is the price of shifting the nation's course, he declares himself ready to pay.

"Something has to be done because the country's in trouble," Dahl says. Then he smiles. "And I need a good health plan."