The Rich and Photographed

Brace yourselves: Paper City, the paper you're not nearly good enough for, has come to an end. The monthly pamphlet — which glorified the San Francisco social registry, its expensive yet questionable tastes, and its allegedly charitable galas, kickoffs, and house parties (not of the inflatable variety) — has struggled valiantly since its 2002 debut, but finally died this month. It was a fun read: On one page you could find taut-skinned heiresses kicking it at Hermès, and on the next, some gorgeous baubles priced at more than my yearly salary. I appreciate such shameless extravagance while supping on Ramen noodles after work.

But how will our shiny quasi-icons like Danielle Steel, Vanessa Getty (who I just know would love to call me late at night to talk about how stupid boys are, or even help me dump pig's blood over Jan Wahl's head), and Todd and Trevor Traina (call me ... after dark) get photographed now? They've given us so much; it's only fair to return the favor by helping them navigate potential PR venues:

San Franciscomagazine: Although it has some decent articles, it's got a scant few upper-crust society shots these days. Lately some of its covered events happen on — gulp! — the other side of Market Street. And it sometimes publishes shots of local not-millionaire personalities like Alice Radio's Hooman, trannies, and people of — double gulp! — questionable ethnicity.

7x7: Ibid., minus "decent articles."

Nob Hill Gazette: Although "an Attitude ... not an Address" is its motto, I can't find the damn thing anywhere near my apartment. I guess that means it also includes Atherton and parts of the Presidio. Regardless, not the best pub for a wide-reaching readership.

The Examiner: Black-and-white photos only. Come on, people want to see Dede Wilsey's crow's-feet and crispy hair in full color.

Napa Sonoma: It sounds fancy, but it's not good enough for our trust-fund kids. Plus, there are just one too many meth labs up there. Fun, but certainly not chic.

Benefit: A publication devoted to giving column inches to people prattling on about how altruistic they are is, well, not altruistic at all. But the shots of the moneyed class are really top drawer.

SfiS: Your best bet, folks. This is a facsimile of our dearly departed Paper City, only produced by the Chronicle. And who knows the filthy rich better?