Doin' Da Mayor at the Endup

Local candidates for national dance crazes

Not since the "Macarena" has our country been so receptive to dance crazes. But while that insipid Latin tune and its related hustle mostly bypassed urban communities, the new chic club sensations sprout from the choreographic ingenuity and infectious tunes of city trendsetters — and are later propagated suburbward by YouTube et al.

Last year, Harlem and Atlanta generated the most popular dances. The former region spawned DJ Webstar's "Chicken Noodle Soup," a song featuring Young B that produced a poultry-ish flapping of elbows and side-swinging of legs, "with a soda on the side." Atlanta offered a host of steps, from the "Motorcycle Dance" — propagated by Yung Joc's No. 1 hit "It's Goin Down" — to the exaggerated, booty-protruding walk known as the "Poole Palace" (named after an Atlanta nightspot).

The time is right for San Francisco to offer up the next craze. It's not like people aren't watching how we step. In 2005 the circular, head-jerking boogie in Kanye West's "Gold Digger" video sparked Bay Area hip-hop educator Davey D to claim its distinct similarities to the "Get Low," a dance from the streets of the Fillmore District. And thanks to the national airplay of Bay Area videos like E-40's "Tell Me When to Go" and Too Short's "Blow the Whistle" last year, kids across the country got an infectious taste of our inner-city lifestyle, from frantic dreadlocks shaking in hyphy rapture to the distinctive sour expressions and wavelike slide of the "Thizz Dance."

Below, some worthy aerobic struts that folks may have missed. If we play our dance cards right, one of them will surely be the next "Mashed Potato":

"The Marina Preen": Not unlike Madonna's "Vogue," this one requires the ability to "strike a pose." But the "Preen" adds a pocket mirror dangling from a dancer's headband for the instant administration of Botox injections. Advanced practitioners have been known to bust this move while ghost-riding their Beamers and balancing pocket dogs on their shoulders.

"Da' Mayor": Between his lurid affairs and his insane stalker, the Gav has plenty of reasons to look over his shoulder. It's about time someone turned that precautionary glance into a funky dance directive. Be sure not to bend the knees for city supervisors, though; it'll look a bit too much like the "Get Low."

"The Critical Mass": A dozen militant beanpole punks are required to properly pull this puppy off; form a conga line, curse cars, and avoid bloodthirsty commuters while rolling arms around like wheels. Bonus points for causing bottleneck cacophony on Market Street.

"The 100% Organic Grind": As S.F.'s answer to "Chicken Noodle Soup," this trick looks similar, but is actually a dairy-, wheat-, sugar-, hormone-, flavoring-, and preservative- free vegan dance alternative that won't harm the environment, so long as it's performed only during the sustainable tofu season. Plus it's much less gassy.

"The Endup": In tribute to perennially sleazy late-night joints, bump booties with strangers while surveying the floor for illicit groundscores. Given the country's preoccupation with fetishizing posteriors and crowding bathroom stalls, this move is tipped as the next to blow.

 
My Voice Nation Help
0 comments
Sort: Newest | Oldest
 
San Francisco Concert Tickets

Concert Calendar

  • July
  • Wed
    23
  • Thu
    24
  • Fri
    25
  • Sat
    26
  • Sun
    27
  • Mon
    28
  • Tue
    29
©2014 SF Weekly, LP, All rights reserved.
Loading...