The bartender caught on to all of this stuff, probably because S and I were practicing kissing each other in preparation for what we were gonna have to do at J's house. The bartender asked us if we would both suck his dick at the same time. We mulled it over and decided to kiss him instead — both of us, at the same time, as we leaned over the bar. He had nice lips and probably wasn't too shabby in the sack.

We gathered up our stuff and prepared to make J's night. Here's the kicker, though, folks. J chickened out. Oh, he can text his pecker until the cows come home, but when push comes to shove, having two beautiful naked chicks in his bed scared the living shit out of him. At least he was man enough to admit it.

"Are you insane?" we asked him. But it was a no-go. Dang.

So there we were, manless on the night that we were so sure the Lord had made for booty. So we did what most women do in this situation: bought two big slices of pizza and wolfed them down in the car.

"Dude," I said to S, "we just got hella scammed 'n' scrammed."

Dang. Well, there's always next week.

JADE BAR. 650 Gough. 869-1900.

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