Receive Weekly Email and Text Message Updates:
Sign up for latest info on concerts, dining, promotions and more!
Go!

Related Stories ...

Most Popular

National Features >

  • City Pages

    Michele Bachmann, Unmuzzled

    You don't need to read Sarah Palin's book to hear the ravings of a mad woman.

    By Matt Snyders

  • Miami New Times

    Pimp Daddy

    The rise and fall of a chubby sex-cult leader.

    By Natalie O'Neill

  • Riverfront Times

    Babe 'n' Arms

    Tom was a hot-tempered cross-dresser with a garage full of guns--and then he became Rachel.

    By Nicholas Phillips

  • Dallas Observer

    The Fight for Texas

    Rick Perry and Kay Bailey Hutchison are locked in a battle over the soul of the GOP. They're also running for governor.

    By Sam Merten

15 Ways Gavin Could Have Lost the Election

Share

  • rss

By Joe Eskenazi, Benjamin Wachs

Published on December 04, 2007 at 2:46pm

15. Actually enforced drug laws

14. Guest-hosted for Rush Limbaugh

13. Pardoned Ed Jew

12. Dissed Liza Minnelli and/or Melissa Etheridge

11. Kicked the homeless out of Golden Gate Park and made them stay on the Golden Gate Bridge

10. Was forced to make unscripted remarks

9. Reanimated the corpse of Dan White for his Twinkie-fueled zombie army

8. Was revealed to be the real captain of the Cosco Busan

7. Spilled 58,000 gallons of Vitalis into the bay

6. Sprouted a zit — and on the eve of the election, to boot!

5. Raped Al Gore

4. Got caught in bed with Ruby Rippey-Tourk — AND Alex Tourk

3. Admitted to fling with Ann Coulter

2. What happened in Vegas didn't stay in Vegas

1. Shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die