15 Ways Gavin Could Have Lost the Election
15. Actually enforced drug laws
14. Guest-hosted for Rush Limbaugh
13. Pardoned Ed Jew
12. Dissed Liza Minnelli and/or Melissa Etheridge
11. Kicked the homeless out of Golden Gate Park and made them stay on the Golden Gate Bridge
10. Was forced to make unscripted remarks
9. Reanimated the corpse of Dan White for his Twinkie-fueled zombie army
8. Was revealed to be the real captain of the Cosco Busan
7. Spilled 58,000 gallons of Vitalis into the bay
6. Sprouted a zit — and on the eve of the election, to boot!
5. Raped Al Gore
4. Got caught in bed with Ruby Rippey-Tourk — AND Alex Tourk
3. Admitted to fling with Ann Coulter
2. What happened in Vegas didn't stay in Vegas
1. Shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die
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