15 Ways Gavin Could Have Lost the Election

15. Actually enforced drug laws

14. Guest-hosted for Rush Limbaugh

13. Pardoned Ed Jew

12. Dissed Liza Minnelli and/or Melissa Etheridge

11. Kicked the homeless out of Golden Gate Park and made them stay on the Golden Gate Bridge

10. Was forced to make unscripted remarks

9. Reanimated the corpse of Dan White for his Twinkie-fueled zombie army

8. Was revealed to be the real captain of the Cosco Busan

7. Spilled 58,000 gallons of Vitalis into the bay

6. Sprouted a zit — and on the eve of the election, to boot!

5. Raped Al Gore

4. Got caught in bed with Ruby Rippey-Tourk — AND Alex Tourk

3. Admitted to fling with Ann Coulter

2. What happened in Vegas didn't stay in Vegas

1. Shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die

 
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