The 24 Real Reasons Matt Gonzalez Chose to Run with Ralph Nader

1. He wants to get out of politics.

2. His experience being vastly outspent and losing will prove invaluable.

3. He needs a bigger Wikipedia entry.

4. Lesson learned: When you see Nader on a street corner, don't make eye contact.

5. Apparently, the position comes with a dental plan.

6. He can't resist that famous "Nader charisma."

7. Why just paint "Smash the State" on your office wall when you can actually do it?

8. After 2003, he vowed never to win anything again.

9. He owes Satan a favor.

10. Now this will really impress Jodie Foster!

11. Crippling fear of success.

12. Did anyone ask Gavin Newsom to be vice president? No. No, they did not.

13. Hasn't hit bottom yet.

14. Because God is dead.

15. Everyone wants to see his or her own funeral.

16. Powerless to resist the chance to fuck up this badly.

17. Nader promised him 72 virgins to commit political suicide.

18. Running vs. Gavin — that'd be crazy. But this ... no, that doesn't explain much.

19. Quintin Mecke couldn't get off work.

20. He could win Nader the urban-hipsters-who-don't-vote vote — if only they voted.

21. Face it: He's nearly as experienced as Barack Obama.

22. It was time for someone who lives in a loft to run for national office.

23. Nader needed him for the carpool lane.

24. Gonzalez makes the perfect No. 2 for the "guys we used to respect until they pissed away their legacies" ticket.