Can You Handle Her?

Every guy wants a girlfriend like Chelsea Handler: She's funny, she's horny, and she drinks like Dean Martin. Here's a lady who believes it's best to have sex as soon as possible in a relationship, so you can find out if potential partners are "bad in bed, or even worse, into anal beads and duct tape." That line is from the Los Angeles–based stand-up comedian's 2005 book, My Horizontal Life, which chronicled her adventures in sexy town — i.e., sleeping with a midget, contracting vagina elbow, and humping male strippers, among other unsavory activities. Since that book came out, Handler's been busy hosting several shows on the E! Channel, starring with Jenny McCarthy in the Web program In the Motherhood, and penning a second collection, the delightfully titled Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea. The new tome offers more twisted tales from Handler's past, include another little-person adventure, a raunchy dog-sitting snafu, and a vast lie that spirals out of control concerning a starring part in Private Benjamin. As always, Handler's so funny, you may pass out laughing — unless she passes out first.
Sat., May 10, 9 p.m., 2008

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