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National Features >
Broward-Palm Beach New Times
Freeze Frame
A visit to the strange and wonderful world of Vanilla Ice.
By Michael J. Mooney
Miami New Times
Young Blood
As the Supreme Court considers whether to ban life sentences for juveniles, it should remember the evil deeds of Dewayne Pinacle.
By Tim Elfrink
Riverfront Times
Cannonball Re-Run
A screwball crew of gearheads retool outlaw cross-country car racing.
By Nicholas Phillips
Houston Press
The Idiot's Guide to Smoking Pot
Lesson one: Do not eat your weed in front of a cop.
By John Nova Lomax
We Solve The City's Problems
Somebody has to. Why not us?
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Published on October 28, 2008 at 1:36pm
Our Affordable Housing Plan: Move to Oakland.
Energy: Turbines powered by one of San Francisco's greatest natural resources — sanctimoniousness. One issue of the Bay Guardian could power the Tenderloin for a month. Two months, if it has a guest editorial by Chris Daly.
Energy, Pt. II: In addition to using used grease from restaurants to power Muni buses, also salvage used grease from Gavin Newsom's hair.
Muni: Increase ridership with "Throw Momma From the Train Tuesdays" promotion.
Homelessness: Start a rumor that Berkeley has an extra cigarette.
Childhood Obesity: 8 a.m. dodgeball sessions with Coach Chris Daly.
Crime: Here's a radical idea — actually solve homicides.
Gay Marriage: If Prop. 8 wins, secede from the United States and declare ourselves the independent nation of Homoslavia or Lesbianastan.
The Economy: Encourage people to eat out with a burrito-focused stimulus package in which residents get a free meal at El Farolito paid for by the city. (Sorry, guac is still extra.)
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