We Solve The City's Problems
Somebody has to. Why not us?
Our Affordable Housing Plan: Move to Oakland.
Energy: Turbines powered by one of San Francisco's greatest natural resources — sanctimoniousness. One issue of the Bay Guardian could power the Tenderloin for a month. Two months, if it has a guest editorial by Chris Daly.
Energy, Pt. II: In addition to using used grease from restaurants to power Muni buses, also salvage used grease from Gavin Newsom's hair.
Muni: Increase ridership with "Throw Momma From the Train Tuesdays" promotion.
Homelessness: Start a rumor that Berkeley has an extra cigarette.
Childhood Obesity: 8 a.m. dodgeball sessions with Coach Chris Daly.
Crime: Here's a radical idea — actually solve homicides.
Gay Marriage: If Prop. 8 wins, secede from the United States and declare ourselves the independent nation of Homoslavia or Lesbianastan.
The Economy: Encourage people to eat out with a burrito-focused stimulus package in which residents get a free meal at El Farolito paid for by the city. (Sorry, guac is still extra.)
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