All Tolled

This week, the Chronicle reported that the Board of Supervisors is considering charging $3 "congestion tolls" to drive in certain parts of the city. Here are other tolls we'd like to see.

Star Tattoo Toll: $5 per star. $15 if it's shooting. $20 if it's a nautical star. $30 if you think it says something about you.

New Band Toll: $500 to come here and make it. Half of that fee will be refunded when you give up and become a DJ.

Skinny Pants Toll: Time to dip into the trust fund, hipster boy. $800.

2 a.m. Tenderloin Toll: All your money goes to the guy with the gun.

Protester Toll: Your first 10 protests are free. Any more and you're just trying to get laid, dude. $50.

Track Bike Toll: A $100 fee to offset the idiocy of riding a bike with no brakes in a city known for its insanely steep hills.

Vegan Toll: $200 for arguing that what you do or don't eat makes you any better than other people.