Imaginary outtakes from the mayor's 7.5-hour youtube marathon

"Talking directly to the people ... this is how Abraham Lincoln got started. Or, at least, Tila Tequila."

"You think Mike Bloomberg could give a speech like this? Huh? Huh? I've got your congestion pricing right here!"

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More About

• Abraham Lincoln
• Michael Bloomberg
• Tila Tequila
• U.S. History
• Transportation Policy

"And as we see in this slide ... okay, who put gay porn in my slides?"

"How's my hair? Does my hair look okay? You know, my hair's on track to be 100 percent biodegradable by 2020."

"In conclusion, if any of you ladies want a good time, just call 311."