Records for the People

World records happen every day. We just landed one: Most Exasperated Eye Rolls During the Reading of Caille Millner’s Chronicle Column. You might have completed one as well, maybe having something to do with how intently you looked at your burrito while eating it. Of course, the overlords at Guinness would demur (fascists), but the World Record Appreciation Society gives every feat a fair hearing. It champions all sorts of populist records on the Universal Record Database (, where records like “Most Arm Hair Twisties on Left Arm” and “Most Binder Clips Attached to Face” are documented for eternity, or until the society lapses on its Web hosting fees. The society also sponsors nights of feverish record breaking. Last month, Kaoru Kumatani stood onstage, opened a pack of Skittles, arranged them by color, and flung them out into the audience — world record! Todd Lamb looked at 25 pictures of fish sandwiches in 60 seconds — world record! Opus Moresch complimented a staggering 16 people in 30 seconds — world record! At tonight’s World Record Appreciation Society Event #4, expect countless more records to explode through the firmament, including “Most Ear Wiggles in One Minute,” "Most Trivial Pursuit Questions Answered Incorrectly in One Minute," and "Most Albums Broken in One Minute.” Local band Date Nite opens; e-mail to secure a slot.
Tue., Feb. 17, 9 p.m., 2009

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