Marketing Marijuana

San Francisco Assemblyman Tom Ammiano recently introduced a bill that would legalize marijuana. Here are some brand names (and their slogans) we'd like to see on store shelves in S.F.:

•Marina Green — "When a cougar needs amenable prey."

•Tenderloin Bag of Shit Weed — "May contain trace amounts of marijuana."

•Lower Haight Eighth — "One gram short. Fuck the establishment!"

•Nob Hill Heirloom Herb — "For those with taste. And incurable disease."

•Pacific Heights High Price — "Crystallized by Swarovski."

•Theater District Dank — "Sleep through the show — and your life."

•South Beach Shake — "Don't be scared, yuppie! You'll barely get high."

•Rincon Hill Homegrown — "Turning vacancies into growing rooms, one foreclosure at a time."

•SOMA COMA — "Make your SRO bearable."

•Gentrified Gram — "A mix of rocks, stems, Italian shake, and Sub Zero appliances."

•Green Street Brown Bud — "For clubgoers too drunk to care. (Best seen through beer goggles.)"