Cheap Queens Behaving Badly

A wise, ancient Roman shut-in once said: “Beauty is skin deep, but a cheap tranny is forever.” Benjamin Franklin said: “Cheap trannies and folly are old companions,” and Kahlil Gibran put forth: “Beauty is a cheap tranny gazing at itself in a mirror.” Clearly, the splendor of a man dressed up as a woman making a mess of itself onstage took root in our lizard brains at some point, making the Miss $1.98 Pageant only the latest chapter in a long, cheap history. This particular pageant came to be through an unholy alliance between Anna Conda (lizard brain behind Charlie Horse at the Cinch) and Monistat (lizard brain behind Chaser at the Endup), two of the cheapest, most unhinged trannies in all the land. While the contestants of this torn and frayed antipageant have been identified by initials only (“G,” “A.W.,” and “J.D.” among them), the proceedings promise pandemonium: a bathing suit tricycle race, a taco-eating competition sponsored by Juanita Fajita, and a “talent” show. A special tribute will also honor Marcy Playground, Charlie Horse’s resident boozebag catastrophe. The whole shebang draws inspiration from stories about its storied venue: Divine flinging projectiles, Grace Jones getting thrown out for jumping into the fountain, and a certain Miss Uranus Pageant, in which lovable local Timmy Spence pelted the audience with waste. In other words, expect to get slimed by some grimy queen as the whole building collapses around you.
Tue., July 28, 9 p.m., 2009