Gavin Newsom's benign betrayal

Gavin Newsom has recently repeated his claim — first made to The New York Times — that there's more to the story of his affair with Ruby Rippey-Tourk, the wife of his then-best friend, Alex Tourk. What more information could there possibly be?

• The sex wasn't very good.

• The world has not yet seen her real hair color.

• There's a sex tape: After showing brief intercourse, it's seven and a half hours of Gavin explaining how he's kept his promises.

• He pressed the panic button under his desk and she came in with a tray of Jell-O shots.

• They did it on Chris Daly's desk.

• It wasn't really Gavin. It was his evil twin brother, Nivag, who actually has some pretty good ideas about economic development and land use.

• The whole time, they were both thinking about Alex Tourk.

• The $10,000 Rippey-Tourk received from the city after her affair with the mayor wasn't a payoff, it was a gift.

• Newsom ended the affair after she asked him a question that hadn't been cleared by the press office first.

• Nobody's heard about his thing with her mom yet.

• He likes big butts and he cannot lie.