Black Rock Flock: A Burning Man preparation guide

Burning Man is just days away. How are you preparing?

• Ass tanning.

• Scraping North Face logos off new camping gear.

• Burning roommate's art.

• Persuading parents not to attend this year.

• Concealing narcotics in friend's Winnebago.

• Homebrewing swine flu vaccine.

• Converting Audi engine to biodiesel.

• Musing on benefits of open relationships when partner is in the room.

• Living in sandbox.

• Meeting with drug procurement and concealment teams for Operation Let's Get Fuuuucked Up.

• Buying carbon credits to offset the 50 gallons of gas you'll consume.

• Trying out pickup lines on North Baker Beach.

• Securing corporate sponsors for anticapitalist playa art fundraiser.

• Testing penis pumps.

• Practicing saying "We're living in an alternate society" without cracking up.

• Thinking you might start a Burning Man blog, because people will really want to read that.