How the Labor Day Bay Bridge closure affects people in the Bay Area

The Bay Bridge will be closed for repairs over the Labor Day weekend. How will this affect people in the Bay Area?

• It will make us all much more cynical about Labor Day.

• We'll use this special time to let the other members of our car pool know how much we hate them.

• For one weekend, San Franciscans will shop with their local drug dealers again.

• BART will experience significant delays, just to make bridge commuters feel at home.

• Treasure Island briefly becomes a nice place to live.

• Daly City feels all superior to Oakland because it don't need no stinking bridge.

• The Henderson family picnic is ruined. RUINED!

• Bridge-and-tunnelers suffer mass delusion and think they see visage of Emperor Norton on a piece of toast.

• Supervisor Chris Daly will have a good excuse not to leave Fairfield for one weekend.

• Locals returning from Burning Man have something else to complain about.

• San Francisco will secede from California. All hail Chairman Brugmann!