Gavin Newsom and Bill Clinton: Birds of a feather

Last week, Bill Clinton formally endorsed San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom for governor of California. Why is Clinton offering Newsom this critical support?

• Narcissistic personalities tend to attract one another.

• Newsom promised Clinton the secret to eternally youthful hair.

• Clinton really, really supports Newsom's position on the issues — or will, should Newsom take one.

• Jerry Brown is, like, old and stuff.

• Clinton is a ventriloquist.

• Newsom campaigned for Hillary in the Democratic primaries, so Bill owes him a futile gesture.

• The Clintons thought about it as a couple, and decided they wanted to buy a governor. 

• California campaign events are great places to meet hippie chicks.

• They both have the same vision for California: as a mattress full of campaign cash.

• Clinton, who worked his way up from nothing, likes making pretty boys who coasted on their daddy's connections kiss his ass in front of people. 

• Shared history: Turns out they once both did the same flight attendant.

• Newsom promised he'd let Clinton talk all he wants on YouTube.