Dear Santa, please bring us something really weird for Christmas. Make it endearing, gross, inextricably linked to an otherwise-lucrative brand name, and as rare as a solvent print publication. Please let it involve Grace Slick and Bea Arthur. Please let it be reason enough for Harrison Ford to swear out a fatwa on Conan O'Brien. And if it could be said to have been pre-emptive punishment for what George Lucas has done with the last three Star Wars movies, that would be really cool. We have been very good, Santa, and we deserve it. What's that!? You got us a screening of the Star Wars Holiday Special, the 1978 CBS show widely acknowledged to be "the worst two hours of television ever produced?" The one that features Diahann Carroll in a Wookiee sex scene? The one in which Princess Leia sings? Oh, thank you, Santa, thank you! The freaks who arranged this insanity call it "Awesome and Painful," with some local experimental films holding down the "Awesome." And no joke, they're handing out prizes to anyone who can sit through the whole "Painful."
Wed., Dec. 16, 8 p.m., 2009