List: Checkout time
Hotel workers are picketing all over Union Square, staging multiday strikes and disrupting the delicate spirit of holiday commerce like so many hairs on a bedspread. Eww. What are their demands?
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• One night in Paris
• Chocolates placed on bed at home
• No copay for spa vodkatinis
• Fewer naked guys just wandering out of bathrooms during housekeeping service
• Cocktail-bar prostitutes get full medical
• Bellhops no longer hop; can roll up on guests whenever
• Used prophylactics on floor will be gently transferred to guest's toiletry bag
• Hotel security gets some wicked Pentagon shit
• Valet drivers get sponsor patches and NASCAR groupies
• "Priceline" Shatner winds up dead somewhere
• No more questions about missing Toblerones
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