List: Do not open until Christmas

There are less than two weeks until the national celebration of the birth of Santa Claus. Here are some gift ideas for notable Bay Area personalities.

• Nancy Pelosi: A national health care plan that will pay for her facelifts

• Tom Ammiano: Someone to kiss his gay ass

• Willie Brown: A conscience

• Oakland Mayor Ron Dellums: $239,000

• 49ers coach Mike Singletary: Winners, dammit, winners

• Warriors coach Don Nelson: A new liver presoaked in bourbon

• Raiders owner Al Davis: A winning team in the next life

• Chronicle publisher Frank Vega: Continued success of strategy to lose readers

• Chronicle editor-at-large Phil Bronstein: A Komodo dragon without teeth

• Frank Chu: Spell-check

• Metallica: For that Internet thing togo away

• Mission hipster: Pants loose enough to restore blood flow to his lower extremities

Muni drivers: Noise-canceling headphones so they don't hear those annoying cries for help