I, Tablet

Last week, Apple unveiled its new tablet computer, the iPad, in San Francisco. It has been hyped as the savior of newspapers. What else can Apple's new product save?

• Health care reform: There's an app for that

• Whales. It's so accessible that whales can use it to blog their thoughts and feelings

• The rainforest, since no one will ever use paper again

• Innocent prisoners on death row. Now that the law is available in tablet form, they're home free

• Monotheism. Tablets are great for new commandments!

• Culture, because now that we have an amazing new medium to transmit information, the best of the best will finally rise to the top and ... wait a minute.

• Pornography. Not that it needs saving

• The Tonight Show — it'll be waaaaaay funnier on a tablet

• Marriage. What it's really needed all this time is more processing power

• Apple stockholders

• The Segway, which, coincidentally, is the last technology that changed everything