List: Dolores Park blues

San Francisco's parks department is expected to close hipster hangout Dolores Park for up to a year and a half in order to make repairs. Where will all the Mission hipsters go?

• Some place so cool you haven't even heard of it

• The Inner Sunset, which will suddenly be described as "gritty," "walkable," and "so real"

• Fuck it, they'll all just leave really early for Burning Man

• Well, actually, Daddy's yacht club in Manhattan is having a big bash, and if the park's closed I might as well attend. But ironically.

• A protest. Any protest. Of anything.

• Ritual Coffee's hidden sub-basement

• They don't close parks in Portland!

• Grad school

• We'll just chill here. Anybody want to order vegan Thai?

• Wherever there's a neighborhood to gentrify, you will find them

• They'll still go to Dolores Park: Now it's an even bigger act of rebellion. Critical Park!