We don't know anything about mixed martial arts other than, you know, the blood, so we did a Google Image search on today's favorite in the Heavyweight UFC 116 match, current UFC Heavyweight Champion Brock Lesnar. Holy potatoes, Brock Lesnar. His head is bigger than our car. He used to be a WWF wrestler, one of the bigger ones, to give you some idea. He also used to play for the Minnesota Vikings. If you needed to point out muscle groups to a nearsighted old man from a mile away, you could use Lesnar. You could also point out a sword, because he has a giant one tattooed on his chest (or is it a penis? Because that's what people are saying online). He's only been fighting in the UFC for three years, and won the title in his second year. Things seem to be going his way, but then we did a Google Image search on his opponent, Shane Carwin. Sweet mother of meatloaf. Carwin is the UFC Interim Heavyweight Champion (don't worry about the details), and he has a NSFW staredown that made us gasp, or maybe whimper. Ten other fights precede the main event.
Sat., July 3, 7 p.m., 2010