@sk Jamie Varon: What are you hiding on your password-protected phone?

Dear Jamie, 

Should I let the person I'm dating have total access to my phone? I don't want anyone trying to read my texts and e-mails, so I put a password on my phone. Is that wrong? 

Private in Presidio

The question on everyone's mind is, what are you trying to hide? Do you have someone on the side? Or are you secretly addicted to World of Warcraft, and you don't want the person you're dating to read all your e-mails from your tribe or guild or clan or whatever WOW groups are called? 

I think you have every right to keep your texts and e-mails to yourself, but I also think the person you're dating should be able to snoop on you to see who the hell you really are. Google can go only so far, whereas texts and e-mails can reveal whether you're a creep posting about your weird fetishes on Craigslist — or, more importantly, what you're getting from Netflix on Friday, because that's pretty telling. Twilight is in your queue? Really? Dealbreaker. 

Additionally, you can really mess with people you're dating if you let them have access to your phone. Fuck with 'em, ya know? See if they're worth keeping around. Sign up for weird newsletters, like something about how you love dressing up cats. Or open a bridal registry using the other person's name as your betrothed. If he or she sees that e-mail confirmation and still wants to be with you? Well, shit, you may have a keeper. Or someone who is really clingy and desperate. Either way, it's a win for you.

If you are freaked out when someone you're dating tries to look at your phone, then that person will definitely think you are hiding something. Which you probably are, right? So I suggest toning down your skankish or man-whoring ways before settling into a relationship. 

Nobody likes a cheater. Well, except the people you're cheating with. They like you. Or maybe they don't. I don't know the ins and outs of your relationship. Just stop being a ho, so you don't have to guard your phone like it's the fucking queen of England. And Twilight? Come on. Tsk tsk, Private in Presidio. You should be ashamed. 

Love and kisses, 

Jamie Varon

Have a question about social-media etiquette? E-mail askjamievaron@gmail.com. .

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