List: Proposition 8 backers' new strategies

What strategies will defenders of Proposition 8 use in their appeal of last week's decision in federal court overturning 2008's anti-gay-marriage law?

• Point out that the word "gay" never appears in the Constitution

• Demand a do-over

• Call Jesus to testify — with a subpoena this time

• Come up with a better rhyme than "Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve"

• Write a country music song

• Send the appellate court judges videos of Gavin Newsom's "whether you like it or not" speech

• Get testimonials of even more concerned parents saying even more hateful things

• Request a venue change to the Vatican

• Demand an unbiased judge. Who hates gay people

• This time, they'll actually mount a case

• Hurry up and take control of Congress so they can derail this while there's still time

• Rewrite history

• Ask that evidence, of any kind, no longer be admissible

• Get cuter children to hold the God Hates Fags signs