List: Longevity Is the Best Revenge

The city controller's office recently announced that S.F. government is expected to owe about $4.5 billion in retiree health care costs over the next decade. Why is the cost so high?

• We can't quit medical marijuana

• Gavin Newsom is expected to need a lot of facelifts

• After 30 years of mind-numbing work for the city, living a long and unhealthy life is the best revenge

• Turns out health care reform was a terrible idea

• We didn't ban toys in Happy Meals soon enough

• This one guy, Fred, keeps having to go to the emergency room

• The GOP is poisoning our water

• Zombies

• Politicians who can't say no to the unions who don't really love them