Bagpipes, haggis, poetry, whiskey. The Scottish pub's website describes its 11th annual Burns Night activities tersely, and with target-map accuracy. Those four items are the main points of interest for the evening, and also the ones you'd want to be warned about if you didn't like them. Is there going to be whiskey? Whiskey drinking? Then I won't like it. See? If that were you, you'd have a completely miserable time at this yearly celebration of Scotland's pride and joy. Ditto for the other stuff, especially poetry rhyming poetry, we'd add. Oh, and haggis, the sheep's bladder pudding, right? If that doesn't work for you, which is understandable, please don't use Burns Night as a way to find out whether haggis actually makes you vomit, okay? And you know how people hate bagpipes. (Not Scots. We love droning, whether high-pitched or low, or both at once.) Robert Burns, the penner of Auld Lang Syne (223 years ago, and still no one knows what the hell the title means) and many other lovely poems, is always, and all over the world, celebrated using these key elements. We've seen other flourishes at Burns Nights past, including lesbian priests, yoga comedy, and long-winded fart jokes, but the basics endure. Beware.
Sat., Jan. 29, 9 p.m., 2011