Nine solutions to San Francisco's pension crisis

Last week an elite group of city power brokers, including Ed Lee, Warren Hellman, David Chiu, and several labor leaders, met privately at City Hall to work out a solution to the city's crisis of escalating pension and benefit costs. What solutions are they considering?

• Wait until everybody's dead, then reduce their health care

• Sell off the city's gold for cash – fast!

• Pay out 25 percent of pensions in hugs

• San Francisco will fake its own death, and use the insurance payments to support retirees

• Sell the naming rights to Ed Lee's mustache

• Hire only illegal immigrants, who can be shipped back to their country of origin when they get too expensive

• An even bigger bluegrass festival!

• San Francisco will mint its own, more progressive, currency

• They've got a bridge you can buy