Nine solutions to San Francisco's pension crisis

Last week an elite group of city power brokers, including Ed Lee, Warren Hellman, David Chiu, and several labor leaders, met privately at City Hall to work out a solution to the city's crisis of escalating pension and benefit costs. What solutions are they considering?

• Wait until everybody's dead, then reduce their health care

• Sell off the city's gold for cash – fast!

• Pay out 25 percent of pensions in hugs

• San Francisco will fake its own death, and use the insurance payments to support retirees

• Sell the naming rights to Ed Lee's mustache

• Hire only illegal immigrants, who can be shipped back to their country of origin when they get too expensive

• An even bigger bluegrass festival!

• San Francisco will mint its own, more progressive, currency

• They've got a bridge you can buy

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SF needs to declare bankruptcy, and then reduce staffing to what it was in1970. When possible, as with SFPD and MUNI, fire all management and put the unions in charge. Then they can blame only themselves. All pensions given to those appointed and elected are cut off completely. They did not negotiate, it was a "gimme" and thus they never should have gotten anything. Anyone receiving any other pension, public or private, loses SF pensions, no double or triple dipping. And if you have your own wealth, accumulated when in office, YOU GET NOTHING AT ALL.

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