List: Why We're Still Talking About Barry Bonds

Wait, are we still talking about whether Barry Bonds used steroids?

• No, we're talking about his scrotum for its own sake

• Yes, but only ironically

• Remember, while suffering from shrinkage now, he was once a Giant

• Has something else happened that's newsworthy?

• When we spend this many federal tax dollars, it needs to be talked about

• Naturally: A full-on dissection of his testicular dwarfism will become the Giants' new season-opening tradition

• It's easier to understand than pension reform

• His is the sort of epic fall that demands an ongoing Greek chorus

• Maybe. I stopped paying attention way back

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Inglourious Basterd
Inglourious Basterd

When he's found guilty the judge, as a form of punishment, should order Bond's to issue Henry Aaron, his family, and Ruth's family a verbal and written apology.

And then the judge should order Bond's to hand over the keys to his house and vehicles.

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