Faux Willie Brown Weighs In on San Francisco Politics

The second-biggest mistake of Controller John Chiang's career was deciding the state budget wasn't balanced and Sacramento lawmakers couldn't get paid. The biggest mistake? Wearing that tie. How can such a smart man not know he's an Autumn?

Fred Noland

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More About

• Willie Brown
• Jeff Adachi
• John Chiang
• World Politics
• U.S. State Politics

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I get out of a cab at the Fairmont Hotel yesterday on my way to a meeting with Kim Jong-Il, and the doorman pulls me aside. "Mayor Brown," he asks, "can you help me hide a body?"

I get asked that a lot. Especially during elections, and around Valentine's Day. I always have a spot. Nobody ever looks beneath Gavin Newsom's garage. It's too bad he's selling the place. I don't have time to go to Marin that often.

My friend Clint Reilly pays lots of money to make sure his name stays in the newspaper. Like this.

Public Defender Jeff Adachi's campaign for pension reform is going to have a serious cost: his social life. It terrifies me to think of how many parties he's not getting invited to. The other week his name was left off the list for brunch at the Gettys'. Gary Danko tells me he's never giving Adachi a table by the window. I don't understand what he has to live for.

I had a great time at the Four Seasons the other day, attending a ceremony where Nancy Bechtle received an award for being extremely wealthy. Brought tears to my eyes. Apparently she also supports the arts, which just goes to show that nobody's perfect.

Movie time:
Cars 2. I could really relate to this movie. I have two cars, and both my chauffeurs talk too much.

Green Lantern: I only saw it because I thought "Green Lantern" was some kind of new slang for money. Really disappointing.

Project Nim: This is a movie about some scientists who took a baby chimp, raised it as a human, then abandoned it. It's not so far-fetched: That's what we did with Bevan Dufty.

I'm walking up a street that only rich people know about when this nondescript guy comes up to me and says, "Willie Brown, I just read a book that made me think of you."

"Oh yeah?" I said. "What was it?"

"The Da Vinci Code."

"Why did that make you think of me?"

"Because I figure you must have killed at least one priest by now."