Fall Arts: We Made Nato Green Fill Out a Questionnaire

Joke I Remember Telling as a Kid: Bobcat Goldthwait's Meat Bob album, start to finish.

Joke I Wish I Had Written: Kevin Camia's joke about protesters.

Favorite Joke That Never Quite Worked: I can relate to suicide bombers. I too am trying to hurt myself and others out of alienation and anger at the state of the world; I'm just dragging it out over 50 or 60 years through bad diet, lack of exercise, and ceaseless anxiety.

The Worst Heckle I Ever Got: Look out! There's a spider on your foot!

The Place in San Francisco I Take Out-of-Towners: The top of Bernal Heights, so I can point them to key locations from Sister Act.

Place in S.F. I Miss Most When on the Road: Mission Pie.

At Parent-Teacher Conferences, My Elementary Teachers Described Me As: Too Jewy.

In High School, I Was Voted: Best Composer of a Primus-Sartre Mashup.

The Moment I Knew That I Had to Make a Life out of Comedy: When I realized that I carry a deep-seated belief that people should hang on my every word.

The Last Time I Paid for Music: In a fit of '90s nostalgia, I bought "The Look" by Roxette on iTunes. I was surprised their body of work warranted a greatest hits CD.

The Last Good Argument I Got in Was About: I don't remember, but I'm fairly sure I won. It's all a blur.

The Thing I Want to Say to Everyone Who Ever Doubted Me: You might be right.

My Advice for Anyone Thinking About Being a Comedian: To paraphrase either Sun Tzu or Mazer Rackham from Ender's Game, "the only teacher that matters is your enemy," which in this case is the audience.

If I Had to Endorse a Mayoral Candidate, I Would Choose: John Avalos, naturally, although I'm well aware that in the event that he won, San Francisco would instantly turn into Chile 1973, with Rose Pak playing the part of Henry Kissinger, and Steve Falk would execute me in the basement of Candlestick Park. But I love me some John.