At this year’s Bay to Breakers, you can’t drink alcohol. You can’t bring a float. You can’t pee in someone’s driveway, and you can’t throw up in a bush. “Borrrrring!” you might think. But there is still one way to make B2B the most scandalous thing you’ve ever done, and it’s simple: At the starting line, take off your shirt, take off your shorts, rip off your underwear, and just run naked. Seriously. Do it naked. Take off your clothes and run seven miles. Please. As for the particulars of running naked — about any of the dangers that may (cough) arise — you need only consult the Bare to Breakers website, which has a staggeringly long guide to running this thing al fresco, full of chapters such as “Anatomy” and “Hats.” If you’re too delicate to run seven sweaty miles naked past news vans (you were okay peeing all over Tehama Street, weren’t you?) how about going full-pale for just a few blocks? Or why don’t you roll around in some body paint? Show the man that he can’t keep you down! Which is not to say that men shouldn’t remain, er, down.
Sun., May 20, 7 a.m., 2012